First Day of Spring Break--I Slept In

Today was the first day of our district's Spring Break and I slept in. I did go to work at one of my other jobs at 4 pm, but mostly I just went slower and enjoyed the vacation. Now I am so sleepy I can hardly think. To bed I go.

Parents, People, Comments, and Child Rearing

A cousin of mine who has adopted a child from Russia has been key in guiding us through taking charge of our Gabriel and helping him with attachment issues and other issues of adoption. On some adoption boards and very well-read and respected for her adoptive parenting wisdom and wisdom in general, she recently posted a comment about her tangle with another person who apparently freely pointed out that, due to the fact she had other children before she adopted she lacked knowledge of adoption.

Not certain exactly what the disagreement was about I find myself reflecting on the commonalities of disagreements and criticisms in whatever context they may appear. As a teacher, a licensed counselor and school counselor I have had to learn a lot about these social forays and why they occur. In education I have found these to be especially distressing and they certainly need addressing as the problems they are.

People will criticize for several reasons. They may actually feel insecure and self-critical about their own struggles with this topic and may be trying to make themselves feel better by putting someone else down. They may be viewing the other person as inferior to them. They may just be wanting to bully someone. They may genuinely believe that they know the only way and that no other way is acceptable. They may be pushing a cause they are devoted to. They may be wanting to be respected as an authority on the topic and may believe they are getting insufficient recognition. They may just be socially inept. And there are probably more reasons than I have mentioned here.

Regardless of the reason for the attack they often leave the attacked steaming and fuming. Over the short span of my life I have had to deal with these situations many times and in various contexts. I am certain that you have likewise experienced these situations in ways that have disrupted your life.

Deciding that I am never going to live free of these types of attacks I have concluded, at least for myself, that I need to deal with them in ways that give me my life back as quickly as possible. In this way I can hopefully continue to function normally while I process the incidents.

Without a doubt I have come out of such situations scathed in some way. Usually I have found myself angry at the person who is doing the inflicting. I have tried arguing back and showing my anger and opposition to the other person. I have tried talking about it to others to garner support. I have tried simply pretending like it hadn't happened. Every time I have argued and shown my anger at the person I have felt "small". Every time I have shared my experience with others I have felt "small". When I have tried to pretend it had not happened I have found myself talking to myself to garner support!! None of these has ever worked for me. The wound just keeps getting bigger and bigger and going deeper and deeper. It is only when I have responded with a caring attitude toward the other person that I have come away feeling okay with myself.

Since I cannot control what anyone else does I find myself now wanting to control what I do about what they do. Thus instead of simply reacting I can act on the situation and feel more comfortable in my own shell.

In his book, Bonds That Make Us Free, C. Terry Warner expresses his beliefs about how, "Life can be sweet." This amazing book seeks to help us maintain our appreciation for ourselves. He comments, "We all know the difference between times when we feel open, generous, and at ease with people versus times when we are guarded, defensive, and on-edge." And this entire work is devoted to understanding ourselves better and taking back control of our own feelings instead of, for instance, believing that someone else "Made me mad."

With me this approach to life works well. The application of the principles embodied in this material is challenging for me. As with many of you I have my own issues that tend to just pop-up and challenge my ability to take back control. And when I do take my control back, claiming my own emotions as mine and making decisions that are in my best interest, a very liberating feeling emerges within me and I am back on track and happy again.

I do not entirely accept all of that which C. Terry Warner advocates, but for me the general principles he covers are relatively sound.

I plan to keep referring to those and I teach my kids, both at school and in my family, as much as I can about how much control they really do have in their lives. It is actually very scary to some of us to discover this, but when we overcome our fears of this knowledge, we can move on and be happier.

Have a great day, and thanks for reading!!

Oh--That's Where I Do That!!!

Epiphanies!!! I finally took a look at my blog, didn't like it, and started searching for something that looked very different that what I had seen--templates were what I wanted. Now you can see my blog and its links. Perhaps some day I will connect with how to design my own template. But this new, light background, simple template will just be fine until then. After all--a techy I am not. A somewhat savy senior--that is a better description of me. I just can't figure out why little old ladies who are younger than I keep thinking they are older?!

Finally I Went Through My Email!!

With all the jobs we both are now working to keep up with our expenses, and with a little one and all the other activities we are involved in it is no wonder that I had over 500 email messages to sort through today. What I cannot figure out is how to get my friends and family subscribed to this blog. I have even opened it to public view and only have two followers!! One is my son and the other is my cousin.

Of course when I started using this blog and sent announcements out to all my family I had not realized that nobody could actually access the blog without a gmail account. Even then they were having trouble getting to my posts.

I have just added a bunch of gadgets to my blog that should make it easier to access--a search box, a list of blog titles and topic, and some other things--several and I don't remember what they were. I just viewed the blog and realized the text color and background are making it difficult to read, as well. So, I have some more adjusting to do before I try to send out any more invitations or email any of my posts (if that is possible).

I guess the fact that I am not really a tech hurts my ability to manage something like this. My cousin seems to have her own blog sight somewhere on its own--not in blogspot. She is more techy than I (and younger, as well) so I keep wondering--How did she do that? My son also has his own blog sight--not in blogspot.

Oh well. I think I will just see what I can do with this one. Maybe I will be able to get some things right here before I move on somewhere else.

Keep checking back and maybe you will see my blog start looking better. Some day I might even add some more photos!!

Big Changes?!

The economy is big news to everyone who has a job lately--and to everyone who doesn't have a job any longer or who can't get one. I find myself wondering about my own. The State of Idaho has decided to make some cuts in many areas of state government and in education. Our legislators have never been eager to actively seek new revenue for the more and more expensive education costs of our ever expanding population. This has been true even in good times. Now that we are really in a hurt, why would anyone expect them, under worsening circumstances, to take any action to increase revenue in support of education? That would be a ludicrous idea to them--as it ever has been. So what are they trying to do now? Well, it looks as though they are trying to "keep the teacher in the classroom" and at the same time reduce funding for textbooks and other materials teachers need, and programs (such as counseling) that are needed more and more because of the great increase in family dysfunction that go along with our culture's weakening moral fiber, to effectively teach their students. I don't know if our lawmakers will ever overcome their incapacity to understand education and needs regarding education funding. What would ever make them think that a teacher can teach adequately without curriculum materials?!! They need to experience the pressures we are experiencing with No Child Left Behind (NCLB) looking over our shoulders constantly, expecting us to "lead the horse to water..." and make it drink whether it wants to or not. Not only are the Feds expecting us to motivate unwilling children with rescuing parents to reach "proficiency" on the statewide standards test (Idaho Standards Achievement Test or ISAT), but they are also expecting that 100% of ALL children (regardless of whether they even know English, or have a developmental disability or cognitive impairment) who take the test in 2014 reach the "Proficient" level of achievement on the ISAT!!!

This comes back to sufficiency of state funding and rational goal-setting, both of which appear to be severely lacking both at the State and Federal levels. Educators have explained to lawmakers for years that teaching students effectively requires more than a one-size-fits-all approach. It doesn't! Never has, never will! We have explained and explained until we have been blue in the face (if not purple and dying) that the ratio of adults to students needs to be cut way, way back if we are to serve each individual students successfully. Even then, and even with all the new methods and ideas floating around education, the question still remains: How many adults and how much time does it take to bring a child with a severe learning disability or cognitive impairment, who is several years behind his or her peers, to grade-level proficiency?

I had the gall to mention this at a State testing coordinators meeting a few years ago. The state official in charge of testing responded by telling me not to say that the chances of a child with down syndrome reaching proficiency on the test she "loves" are very, very low, perhaps nonexistent. She cited one child she was aware of (in the entire state, mind you) who had down syndrome and had reached proficiency on the test. Of course, since that time they have stiffened and narrowed the availability of accommodations for these kids so that the test is much, much more difficult to pass. Ever mindful of the need to keep testing material secure, they made most of the test available for review and tightened security to the extent that we now are told that no test parts can be continued to another day for our slow testers--unless they have IEP's or other legal individual plans that specify this as an accommodation. Even then we must go through the district testing coordinator and the State Department of Education for approval, and no students who become ill during the test will be approved!!

Small comfort that Arne Duncan and Obama are working on using growth as a measure of success rather than proficiency level. This seems to be taking forever and NCLB is a sacred cow at the moment. Unless something happens to greatly change all of this to a rational growth model, an extremely ugly scenario will unfold in the next few years. Almost all of our nations public schools will be found to be "failing." This, despite the fact that many of these schools are failing in only one subgroup (IEP students, ELL students, etc.). Keep in mind that our state agricultural college system has gone from state supported to state subsidized to state named in the past couple or three decades. My prediction is that the same will happen to our public schools. They will mostly become listed as "failing", be in position to be taken over by the state, the state will not want to administer them (too much money and too much trouble), our public education system will be declared "failed", and our free and appropriate public education will cease to exist. It will go from state supported to state subsidized (unless this step is skipped) to state named, only. Yes, charter schools could take over some or all of the functions of regular public schools. This would probably bust the current teachers unions, but a backlash of union starting activity will occur with regard to educators who, once again, will need to actively seek better pay and benefits for their now very, very poor families. If this does not happen, then, since both parents usually have to work nowadays, the kids will still have to go to school out of the home. This is because there will be no supervision in the home. Since public education will be declared a "failed enterprise" wealthy taxpayers will demand that their tax money not be used for public education any longer. Poor and, especially middle class, families will no longer be able to have their children educated. Only the very wealthy will have access to a public education for their children.

This is what I see in the future of public education unless we wake up soon and do something about supporting our schools.