Wow. Has it been so long since I made an entry here?! Over a year has passed. I haven't made any entries anywhere, really - not even on facebook. Well - maybe a few there. If there were only more following me on this page, I would make more entries here. I continue to be amazed at the way my current job as a contractor for the State of Idaho Department of Health and Welfare just fell into my lap. How could this be? The Lord was watching over me and my family - that is the only answer. I thank my Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ for their tender mercies toward me.
I have been struggling to find my place in this world. What would the Lord have me do? What is His purpose for me?
Raising Gabriel is surely one of his tasks for me at this time. My question is, "How far should I go, Lord?" What is my purpose as a case manager for the Department? Who will I share the Lord's love with? How can I be an instrument in His hands, and to what purpose? I now am beginning to realize how much my life and focus have been about me. One of my wise nephews made that statement one day, "It's about you." I found myself protesting that it is not. It is about the baby we just blessed, said I.
Then, over the next few months I began to wonder how much of what I thought, felt, said, and did was really all about myself. I continue to wonder about all of this. Working with kids with developmental and mental disabilities has brought me to the point of a realization that I am, at least to some extent, and always have been, so much like these young people. Surely I have always been at least close to the autism spectrum, if not in it.
And yet I have succeeded with much my life. I was the first child in my nuclear family to graduate from high school. I was the first child to be married in the temple of God for time and all eternity. In between these two things is a negative - I never got the courage to serve a mission. I was never ready when I was of the right age chronologically. There were people willing to support me on my mission, and I did not go. I had this fear of people and that, along with many weaknesses, got in my way.
Claudia and I served a stake mission later in my life. But how can that compare with a full-time mission? It simply cannot.
But dwelling on what appears to me to be a failure will not help me find my purpose. I have found some purposes - I play the piano and organ in church from time to time, as assigned. I played for high priest quorum meeting just last Sunday at the Stake Center, for example. And every other month I play the organ for our ward Sacrament Meetings. I have been blessed several times in my life to serve as a boy scout leader and cub scout leader. I have worked with all ages of Scouts over the years. I have worked as a therapist with boys who have developmental disabilities. I was, when I was 18, president of a stake young adult group. I have taught Sunday School, Priesthood, Young Men, Primary (nursery to age 12). I have worked with boys who have mental disorders. I have worked with adults who have mental disorders. Sometimes I have been successful and sometimes not so successful.
Every time I have been let go from a job, I have found happiness in another opportunity to work and serve others. Imagine getting paid for that!
I always find myself marveling at the importance of the family in other people's lives. I felt this when I was away in the U.S. Army for three years. Now I seem to struggle to be in concert with those whose families are so important for them. Intellectually I know they are. Yet, why do I not share those feelings that so many feel about their families?
If only I understood what more I can do in my life.
A scripture tells us, "This life is the time to prepare to meet God. Yea, behold, the day of this life is the day for men to perform their labors." Alma 34:32 Book of Mormon
I want to prepare to meet God by living my life in accordance with His wishes. What more can I say. May it be so.
I have been struggling to find my place in this world. What would the Lord have me do? What is His purpose for me?
Raising Gabriel is surely one of his tasks for me at this time. My question is, "How far should I go, Lord?" What is my purpose as a case manager for the Department? Who will I share the Lord's love with? How can I be an instrument in His hands, and to what purpose? I now am beginning to realize how much my life and focus have been about me. One of my wise nephews made that statement one day, "It's about you." I found myself protesting that it is not. It is about the baby we just blessed, said I.
Then, over the next few months I began to wonder how much of what I thought, felt, said, and did was really all about myself. I continue to wonder about all of this. Working with kids with developmental and mental disabilities has brought me to the point of a realization that I am, at least to some extent, and always have been, so much like these young people. Surely I have always been at least close to the autism spectrum, if not in it.
And yet I have succeeded with much my life. I was the first child in my nuclear family to graduate from high school. I was the first child to be married in the temple of God for time and all eternity. In between these two things is a negative - I never got the courage to serve a mission. I was never ready when I was of the right age chronologically. There were people willing to support me on my mission, and I did not go. I had this fear of people and that, along with many weaknesses, got in my way.
Claudia and I served a stake mission later in my life. But how can that compare with a full-time mission? It simply cannot.
But dwelling on what appears to me to be a failure will not help me find my purpose. I have found some purposes - I play the piano and organ in church from time to time, as assigned. I played for high priest quorum meeting just last Sunday at the Stake Center, for example. And every other month I play the organ for our ward Sacrament Meetings. I have been blessed several times in my life to serve as a boy scout leader and cub scout leader. I have worked with all ages of Scouts over the years. I have worked as a therapist with boys who have developmental disabilities. I was, when I was 18, president of a stake young adult group. I have taught Sunday School, Priesthood, Young Men, Primary (nursery to age 12). I have worked with boys who have mental disorders. I have worked with adults who have mental disorders. Sometimes I have been successful and sometimes not so successful.
Every time I have been let go from a job, I have found happiness in another opportunity to work and serve others. Imagine getting paid for that!
I always find myself marveling at the importance of the family in other people's lives. I felt this when I was away in the U.S. Army for three years. Now I seem to struggle to be in concert with those whose families are so important for them. Intellectually I know they are. Yet, why do I not share those feelings that so many feel about their families?
If only I understood what more I can do in my life.
A scripture tells us, "This life is the time to prepare to meet God. Yea, behold, the day of this life is the day for men to perform their labors." Alma 34:32 Book of Mormon
I want to prepare to meet God by living my life in accordance with His wishes. What more can I say. May it be so.
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